It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
