So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
