So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
