high people should be assigned attendants
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
