He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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