who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I looked at my own cervix.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
