The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
