Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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