Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
