Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
