everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
