i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
