# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
