Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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