he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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