I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
