awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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