i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
