i was born a porn star she said
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
