After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
