I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ttyl tear gas
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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