You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
