So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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