He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
