I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
