Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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