I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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