Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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