Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
