i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love you.
Bad choice
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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