I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
