My first STD was from a foam party
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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