did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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