I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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