I've blown a few things in my day
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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