Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
