I just cut my nipple shaving
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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