we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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