matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We got so high we made milksteak
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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