My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
