I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
