So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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