Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
