So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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