Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
