can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
