I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
