I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
