True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
