I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Randomize
