consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
