how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
