she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
