I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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